EIGHTY 15.05.2023
i really want to go home, i really want to fold into myself, i really want to breathe without having to think, i really want to lay down, read a book, not have to leave my bed, watch the shadows cross my room, turn on to my side and find the sun observing me from outside my window. i really want to have tea so bad, around five-fifteen every evening, turn over again to sit down on the carpet beside my bed, my feet reflected in the mirror, watch myself in the shadows on the wall beside the desk. i really want to walk like i used to. i really want to not have to think about things for a few seconds, not have to think about where i need to be next or what i need to be doing or how something i do would make someone feel. i really want to express freely, to express love in any way that i want, to let sadness just sit inside my chest for a bit, to just cry without having to explain it, to smile to my own self, to feel nothing even. i really just want to be myself again.
i really want to go home, i really want to fold into myself, i really want to breathe without having to think, i really want to lay down, read a book, not have to leave my bed, watch the shadows cross my room, turn on to my side and find the sun observing me from outside my window. i really want to have tea so bad, around five-fifteen every evening, turn over again to sit down on the carpet beside my bed, my feet reflected in the mirror, watch myself in the shadows on the wall beside the desk. i really want to walk like i used to. i really want to not have to think about things for a few seconds, not have to think about where i need to be next or what i need to be doing or how something i do would make someone feel. i really want to express freely, to express love in any way that i want, to let sadness just sit inside my chest for a bit, to just cry without having to explain it, to smile to my own self, to feel nothing even. i really just want to be myself again.