PLAYING CARDS FALLEN ON THE STREETS
I have, and will always, pick up stray cards that I find on the street. The universe has always held all the answers I need. Over the years I have picked up a bunch of cards off of the streets. The numbers vary, most times I only find one, but somehow when I go and look up the meaning of the cards in tarot, it always aligns with whatever dilemma that I am going through, whatever questions that I need answers for. The universe talks to me in this manner. I love to pick up playing cards whenever I find them outside. I also find other random things on the streets, I have a tiny bag filled with them, like little charms, and I always, with utmost certainty, find money on the floor when I am walking around, although I pick those up only sometimes. I have also found bills like this. But well, that is all tangential.
I do love tarot, I also love astrology. I have found these occult subjects immensely interesting, ever since I was about twelve or thirteen. I used to read a lot about astrology because I have also always been a narcissist, and it seemed like a great way to know more about myself, my personality and behaviors. I also love tarot. I am not sure when, but I had suddenly discovered this niche stream of ‘pick a card’ tarot readings on YouTube. There are only two people that I follow with absolute belief, things that I have seen being predicted in their videos have actually come true, no jokes. When I was freshly broken up with my ex, I was desperately looking for something to hold me up, something to soothe me, and I would watch so many, so fucking many of these videos, looking for ‘advise’ and predictions for the situation. There was one time I watched one from Kino, and she said that they next time that I would interact with my ex, our next sexual encounter would happen at a party, with close friends around, and that we would kinda sneak away and everything would be explosive. That happened. Exactly. It was a moment of such volatility. There have been few other instances like this. I am also deeply sensitive to the esoteric, I also have prophetic dreams, dreams that have come true with uncanny exactness. behaviors. I also love tarot. I am not sure when but I had suddenly
The thing about tarot, I am not sure if it’s a way of manifestation, like praying. With the videos, I would think about them a lot, and maybe that was how the events came to occur, because of my acute focus, trained specifically on whatever I had seen. That is something I contemplate about, a lot. That is also what I believe about prayer, that it is just another way of really finding focus, really tightening in on the things that you want, because usually people pray because of need, for things, usually, out of want. I used to meditate a lot, before. I think prayer is meditation of its own kind, a little bit tinged.
Well, anyways, so I usually pick up playing cards from the street.
It was the last day of our vacation.
We walked down to the Fortitude for a coffee and a treat and sat in the park for a while. It was a lovely day, and we ended up walking back too, because Fey didn’t have any charge on his phone, and we got sad around Euston, as things go. We ended up getting riled up, barreling straight to depression. I found five, laying on the footpath. I picked the cards up in this order: six of clubs, three of hearts, jack of clubs, eight of hearts and jack of spades.
Here is all the things that I managed to learn about all of these cards. Some of the key words for the six of hearts is nostalgia and sentimentality, comfort. I think this card represents happiness of a very comfortable and naive kind, or a longing for going back to feeling like this. Kind of like when you want to go back to your childhood for the innocence of it. It resonates with the card six of cups. I sometimes also represent the longing to reconnect with people from the past, old friends or such, or maybe even a longing for a place from your past, like your childhood home, things like that. I think the card indicates a longing for unconditional comfort. When I looked up interpretations particularly in reference to career and finances, the card is guiding us to look inwards and towards the past, towards the road that got you to the present for help to figure things out, to gain clarity and help.
The next card – the three of hearts – is also referenced as the three of cups. This one is all about friendships, celebration and collaborations. The three of hearts seems like a card that represents a period of time when one will be able to forget the worries of life and celebrate with friends and family, spend some quality time with the people in your life. It might also be a card to urge you to spend quality time with people around you. Social gatherings and activities seem to be in the forefront when referencing this card in particular. In terms of career, it also indicates some kind of celebration, maybe that a lot of work-related events are in the near future. It seems to be a very positive card, indicating also supportive relationships with people around you, support and love and
I do love tarot, I also love astrology. I have found these occult subjects immensely interesting, ever since I was about twelve or thirteen. I used to read a lot about astrology because I have also always been a narcissist, and it seemed like a great way to know more about myself, my personality and behaviors. I also love tarot. I am not sure when, but I had suddenly discovered this niche stream of ‘pick a card’ tarot readings on YouTube. There are only two people that I follow with absolute belief, things that I have seen being predicted in their videos have actually come true, no jokes. When I was freshly broken up with my ex, I was desperately looking for something to hold me up, something to soothe me, and I would watch so many, so fucking many of these videos, looking for ‘advise’ and predictions for the situation. There was one time I watched one from Kino, and she said that they next time that I would interact with my ex, our next sexual encounter would happen at a party, with close friends around, and that we would kinda sneak away and everything would be explosive. That happened. Exactly. It was a moment of such volatility. There have been few other instances like this. I am also deeply sensitive to the esoteric, I also have prophetic dreams, dreams that have come true with uncanny exactness. behaviors. I also love tarot. I am not sure when but I had suddenly
The thing about tarot, I am not sure if it’s a way of manifestation, like praying. With the videos, I would think about them a lot, and maybe that was how the events came to occur, because of my acute focus, trained specifically on whatever I had seen. That is something I contemplate about, a lot. That is also what I believe about prayer, that it is just another way of really finding focus, really tightening in on the things that you want, because usually people pray because of need, for things, usually, out of want. I used to meditate a lot, before. I think prayer is meditation of its own kind, a little bit tinged.
Well, anyways, so I usually pick up playing cards from the street.
It was the last day of our vacation.
We walked down to the Fortitude for a coffee and a treat and sat in the park for a while. It was a lovely day, and we ended up walking back too, because Fey didn’t have any charge on his phone, and we got sad around Euston, as things go. We ended up getting riled up, barreling straight to depression. I found five, laying on the footpath. I picked the cards up in this order: six of clubs, three of hearts, jack of clubs, eight of hearts and jack of spades.
Here is all the things that I managed to learn about all of these cards. Some of the key words for the six of hearts is nostalgia and sentimentality, comfort. I think this card represents happiness of a very comfortable and naive kind, or a longing for going back to feeling like this. Kind of like when you want to go back to your childhood for the innocence of it. It resonates with the card six of cups. I sometimes also represent the longing to reconnect with people from the past, old friends or such, or maybe even a longing for a place from your past, like your childhood home, things like that. I think the card indicates a longing for unconditional comfort. When I looked up interpretations particularly in reference to career and finances, the card is guiding us to look inwards and towards the past, towards the road that got you to the present for help to figure things out, to gain clarity and help.
The next card – the three of hearts – is also referenced as the three of cups. This one is all about friendships, celebration and collaborations. The three of hearts seems like a card that represents a period of time when one will be able to forget the worries of life and celebrate with friends and family, spend some quality time with the people in your life. It might also be a card to urge you to spend quality time with people around you. Social gatherings and activities seem to be in the forefront when referencing this card in particular. In terms of career, it also indicates some kind of celebration, maybe that a lot of work-related events are in the near future. It seems to be a very positive card, indicating also supportive relationships with people around you, support and love and
a lot of social happiness.
Jack of clubs stands for a free and courageous free spirit, a brave person. It indicates to new beginnings in ventures, in relationships, on the horizon. The jack of clubs is an indication to taking action, to putting in the effort. One of the articles that I read literally mentioned, ‘apply for jobs and follow up’, to go ahead and take the steps towards whatever it is that you want. It brings a renewal of energy, changes that are manifested by action. It is an indication to stay focused and deal with the present. It can also be interpreted as a message to not be too distracted when the opportunity does arrive. The jack of clubs hints to a tedious and boring routine in life, a boring and uninspiring job, something that doesn’t resonate, and a need to grow out of it, a change in a more exciting direction, and maybe action could be taken in order to learn new skills and develop yourself in order to achieve that. It reminds you to not lose your vision dealing with all the little blockages. There is big possibilities for success. Focus is required, and faith in the possibilities for greater things than what is right now. Getting sidetracked would be bad, especially with all the small little things.
The second to last card was the eight of hearts, also the eight of cups. From my research I gather that this card is a symbol of long-lasting happiness, deep bonds with others and the whole universe. It looks like a very spiritual card, ushering joy. I think it has a general message of long terms success and fulfillment. I think it’s considered as a positive response if a question is asked, it seems like this card arrives when one is at a crossroad. This can also indicate to being more aware of things that are right in front of you, give attention to the things that you already have in life, be more mindful of the people you have in life. In one of the articles online I read that this card could show up to offer a way to move forward by paying attention to something that might be staring you right in the face. It also indicates moving ahead would probably require for you to rely on the people around you. One another interpretation of this card is to be careful, analyze a situation and not make any blind decisions, walking away from something or some kind of a change or transition. It seems to indicate some kind of dissatisfaction with the current situation and looking for a more meaningful purpose in life. It can also indicate jumping from one choice to another, in search for the exact correct thing, a feeling of exhaustion and a necessity to step away from the familiarity of your current situation. It can also indicate simply take a break or a vacation from whatever it is that has been draining you.
The last card was the jack of spades. It is a card that indicates a balance between hard work and wisdom. Being cleaver and thinking on your feet. It is also a symbol of being intelligent, being able to think on your feet, being self-assured. It seems that this card holds a lot of energy in the mental realm. Maybe indicating that one pursue a path that is more mentally stimulating. It can show someone who is wanting to be challenged. It is also the card that is referred to as the page of swords. New ideas, want for knowledge, a curious inclination. There is a burst of new ideas and plans for the future, a certain excitement. Sometimes it can also indicate an obstacle that is helping to divert our part into the correct stream. There is something that one already knows but doesn't see clearly. There seems to be a lot of different kinds of interpretation for this card in particular - or maybe it is just my brain that doesn’t want to accept the truth – the main kind of interpretation of this card seems to say that there is going to be obstacles in any path that you take, you only have control over which way you want to go.
Correct me if I am wrong about any of that, it’s all just information I have managed to find on the internet. All of that is really exactly accurate to us right now, exactly so, or at least watch me twist all of this into something that is.
The cards are completely accurate about this whole situation. I am so tired all the time, and not just in the way of being tired after a long day of work. My system has been under stress for longer than I can care to remember, and that does something to a person. What do you call a point beyond burnout? That is where I am at this point. Not being able to be an architect really is taking it all out of me. All I want is to really practice the profession that I have dedicated so much of my life to, that I love and am good at. I think life just gets so difficult sometimes, these days, I really tend to get caught up in it, I get lost in the sauce, so completely. Depression has been a big thing in my life right now, which kind of bogs everyone around me down, too. I get so caught up in the small things of everyday life, things like laundry, work and cooking food gets so much in the way of applying for jobs, or networking, shit like that, or even spending any time for us, which is a shame. It’s really time for us to focus on this, that’s all that the jack of clubs, right? Also, probably with a little bit of that eight of hearts. And I guess to try also to be more involved with the people around us.
Jack of clubs stands for a free and courageous free spirit, a brave person. It indicates to new beginnings in ventures, in relationships, on the horizon. The jack of clubs is an indication to taking action, to putting in the effort. One of the articles that I read literally mentioned, ‘apply for jobs and follow up’, to go ahead and take the steps towards whatever it is that you want. It brings a renewal of energy, changes that are manifested by action. It is an indication to stay focused and deal with the present. It can also be interpreted as a message to not be too distracted when the opportunity does arrive. The jack of clubs hints to a tedious and boring routine in life, a boring and uninspiring job, something that doesn’t resonate, and a need to grow out of it, a change in a more exciting direction, and maybe action could be taken in order to learn new skills and develop yourself in order to achieve that. It reminds you to not lose your vision dealing with all the little blockages. There is big possibilities for success. Focus is required, and faith in the possibilities for greater things than what is right now. Getting sidetracked would be bad, especially with all the small little things.
The second to last card was the eight of hearts, also the eight of cups. From my research I gather that this card is a symbol of long-lasting happiness, deep bonds with others and the whole universe. It looks like a very spiritual card, ushering joy. I think it has a general message of long terms success and fulfillment. I think it’s considered as a positive response if a question is asked, it seems like this card arrives when one is at a crossroad. This can also indicate to being more aware of things that are right in front of you, give attention to the things that you already have in life, be more mindful of the people you have in life. In one of the articles online I read that this card could show up to offer a way to move forward by paying attention to something that might be staring you right in the face. It also indicates moving ahead would probably require for you to rely on the people around you. One another interpretation of this card is to be careful, analyze a situation and not make any blind decisions, walking away from something or some kind of a change or transition. It seems to indicate some kind of dissatisfaction with the current situation and looking for a more meaningful purpose in life. It can also indicate jumping from one choice to another, in search for the exact correct thing, a feeling of exhaustion and a necessity to step away from the familiarity of your current situation. It can also indicate simply take a break or a vacation from whatever it is that has been draining you.
The last card was the jack of spades. It is a card that indicates a balance between hard work and wisdom. Being cleaver and thinking on your feet. It is also a symbol of being intelligent, being able to think on your feet, being self-assured. It seems that this card holds a lot of energy in the mental realm. Maybe indicating that one pursue a path that is more mentally stimulating. It can show someone who is wanting to be challenged. It is also the card that is referred to as the page of swords. New ideas, want for knowledge, a curious inclination. There is a burst of new ideas and plans for the future, a certain excitement. Sometimes it can also indicate an obstacle that is helping to divert our part into the correct stream. There is something that one already knows but doesn't see clearly. There seems to be a lot of different kinds of interpretation for this card in particular - or maybe it is just my brain that doesn’t want to accept the truth – the main kind of interpretation of this card seems to say that there is going to be obstacles in any path that you take, you only have control over which way you want to go.
Correct me if I am wrong about any of that, it’s all just information I have managed to find on the internet. All of that is really exactly accurate to us right now, exactly so, or at least watch me twist all of this into something that is.
The cards are completely accurate about this whole situation. I am so tired all the time, and not just in the way of being tired after a long day of work. My system has been under stress for longer than I can care to remember, and that does something to a person. What do you call a point beyond burnout? That is where I am at this point. Not being able to be an architect really is taking it all out of me. All I want is to really practice the profession that I have dedicated so much of my life to, that I love and am good at. I think life just gets so difficult sometimes, these days, I really tend to get caught up in it, I get lost in the sauce, so completely. Depression has been a big thing in my life right now, which kind of bogs everyone around me down, too. I get so caught up in the small things of everyday life, things like laundry, work and cooking food gets so much in the way of applying for jobs, or networking, shit like that, or even spending any time for us, which is a shame. It’s really time for us to focus on this, that’s all that the jack of clubs, right? Also, probably with a little bit of that eight of hearts. And I guess to try also to be more involved with the people around us.
So, I have been trying the hardest to go out more,
do more things with friends and being more social. There was a period, last spring, when, I was being really fucking dark, if I am being honest. I wasn’t much in a socializing mood back then, and I was also very bitter about the situation that we were in. I don’t know how that happened, but summer made me feel so much better. I am actively trying to be more positive, less fucking depressed, which also means that I am happier to be outside, to be more social and happier around other people. When we were in North Wales, Fenny’s mom noticed that we were getting too bogged down with all the little worries. When she pointed it out, her words really did resonate with me. I don’t think I have stopped worrying since we left Wood Green. It makes a lot of sense for us to shift focus and began to spend more of our energy in the pursuit of more important goals, being more involved with things in the industry of architecture here in London, and with trying to find a more fulfilling objective to run after. I guess we were really losing track of this.
When we got these cards, it was the last day of our vacation. We were off of work for two whole weeks, and it was the best time, really. We did so much fun things, we went to gigs, we found some cheap clay and that was incredible, we made some cool paintings and went to the markets, we even managed to take a trip to the flower market, and it was so lovely. We walked around so much, which is also one of my most favorite things to do around London with my love. It’s amazing how much I enjoyed being away from all the daily bullshit of life. We managed to also spend a bunch of time with our friends, which was lovely. Ashley went on a hike with us, and it was so fun. We walked all around Ruislip, in the forests around there, it was one of the better hikes we have been on, definitely. We did acid, which was a mixed one because the acid was a flop, but we hung out with Jack which was so fun. I do miss all the time back in Wood Green when we would hang out more, when I could see him every day. I have had one of the best nights of my life when Ferry, after Jerry left, we were peaking again, and so we spend hours just watching Antony Bourdain. Oh my god, what an experience. We were just lolling around in the living room, in our improvised nest. To be able to spend time with Fenny, it’s a privilege, and to do it high as a kite, a beautiful phenomenon. We also did a bunch of molly, and that was the best fucking party I have been to in all my life. London has never looked so fucking beautiful as it did on that night, laid out, and so bright, right at my feet. My life might have changed ever so slightly that day. I did throw my whole entire stomach out on the beach and all along Southbank that night, but I had so much fun. That was the keyword, I had so much fun. I think all of this was very three of hearts and eight of hearts energy, all that fun.
We also managed to go out and hand my resume to a few studios around London – jack of clubs. Nothing really has come out of this, but I do feel much better about the effort that I am making to really be in the game. We did drop the ball for a while there. It might also be helpful to just go out more, be more involved, I believe that is one of the most important things really, to network, to push forward, and look for new ways to deal with this overwhelming problem. Another important thing to do would be learn a new skill. I should pick something new up. Earlier this year I worked on a competition, and it was amazing. It might be time to aim to learn something, definitely, to develop some new skills. Even playing with some clay seemed to have opened my dimension of my being.
I do find myself slipping into a certain kind of longing, more often than not these days. It’s difficult not to when you are standing there, wasting your time and energy, itching, just itching to get out of there. It is very difficult not to. I find myself wanting for simpler times, and I find myself really distracted by my own negativity and misery. It’s difficult to not be grateful for my life, to be patient, it is also very fucking difficult to muster up energy for anything when survival takes everything you got. The only things that I can glean form my past is that things turn out to be okay. It’s true. I have suffered a lot, and had my life just turned upside down in the blink of an eye. It happened with my previous job too, I was looking for a job for a whole million years, and everyone from my batch had already moved on, and then boom, I was packing up to move to Auroville. These things seem to hit me in the face out of nowhere, and I don’t know what the catalyst is, I keep trying to look for a clue, for anything. Most importantly, my past reinforces my faith.
It’s cool that the cards show a lot of positive things, a new change on the horizon, a lot of positivity and joy and support. The jack of spades is also so positive in the way of assurance, and the eight of cups, indicating to long lasting happiness. I think the tide will change soon, one way or another, and that, above everything else is very reassuring. The message seems to be clear is most ways and I am excited to see if I have interpreted this message correctly.
When we got these cards, it was the last day of our vacation. We were off of work for two whole weeks, and it was the best time, really. We did so much fun things, we went to gigs, we found some cheap clay and that was incredible, we made some cool paintings and went to the markets, we even managed to take a trip to the flower market, and it was so lovely. We walked around so much, which is also one of my most favorite things to do around London with my love. It’s amazing how much I enjoyed being away from all the daily bullshit of life. We managed to also spend a bunch of time with our friends, which was lovely. Ashley went on a hike with us, and it was so fun. We walked all around Ruislip, in the forests around there, it was one of the better hikes we have been on, definitely. We did acid, which was a mixed one because the acid was a flop, but we hung out with Jack which was so fun. I do miss all the time back in Wood Green when we would hang out more, when I could see him every day. I have had one of the best nights of my life when Ferry, after Jerry left, we were peaking again, and so we spend hours just watching Antony Bourdain. Oh my god, what an experience. We were just lolling around in the living room, in our improvised nest. To be able to spend time with Fenny, it’s a privilege, and to do it high as a kite, a beautiful phenomenon. We also did a bunch of molly, and that was the best fucking party I have been to in all my life. London has never looked so fucking beautiful as it did on that night, laid out, and so bright, right at my feet. My life might have changed ever so slightly that day. I did throw my whole entire stomach out on the beach and all along Southbank that night, but I had so much fun. That was the keyword, I had so much fun. I think all of this was very three of hearts and eight of hearts energy, all that fun.
We also managed to go out and hand my resume to a few studios around London – jack of clubs. Nothing really has come out of this, but I do feel much better about the effort that I am making to really be in the game. We did drop the ball for a while there. It might also be helpful to just go out more, be more involved, I believe that is one of the most important things really, to network, to push forward, and look for new ways to deal with this overwhelming problem. Another important thing to do would be learn a new skill. I should pick something new up. Earlier this year I worked on a competition, and it was amazing. It might be time to aim to learn something, definitely, to develop some new skills. Even playing with some clay seemed to have opened my dimension of my being.
I do find myself slipping into a certain kind of longing, more often than not these days. It’s difficult not to when you are standing there, wasting your time and energy, itching, just itching to get out of there. It is very difficult not to. I find myself wanting for simpler times, and I find myself really distracted by my own negativity and misery. It’s difficult to not be grateful for my life, to be patient, it is also very fucking difficult to muster up energy for anything when survival takes everything you got. The only things that I can glean form my past is that things turn out to be okay. It’s true. I have suffered a lot, and had my life just turned upside down in the blink of an eye. It happened with my previous job too, I was looking for a job for a whole million years, and everyone from my batch had already moved on, and then boom, I was packing up to move to Auroville. These things seem to hit me in the face out of nowhere, and I don’t know what the catalyst is, I keep trying to look for a clue, for anything. Most importantly, my past reinforces my faith.
It’s cool that the cards show a lot of positive things, a new change on the horizon, a lot of positivity and joy and support. The jack of spades is also so positive in the way of assurance, and the eight of cups, indicating to long lasting happiness. I think the tide will change soon, one way or another, and that, above everything else is very reassuring. The message seems to be clear is most ways and I am excited to see if I have interpreted this message correctly.